How To Win a Man in Just a Few Chapters
by JohnFlippinEgbert
Summary: Dave is the most popular guy on campus. Everyone knows and loves him! Except one person. And that person is the adorable, sass master John Egbert. Will Dave be able to win his heart? Stay tuned to find out! Slight Johnkat, rating might go up.
1. Chapter 1

_Beep beep beep_

There goes that annoying beeping sound again. It seems to have a system, as if it were to sound at this certain time...

_Beep beep beep_

Kind of like an alarm. Wait, that is an alarm. John sat up in a flash and slammed his hand down on the alarm. He looked around the room, though everything was fuzzy. He felt around for his glasses then slipped them on and turned to the glowing, green, blinking numbers. Adjusting to the slight darkness, he could now see them clearly.

_6:30_

_'Shit shit shit!' _John threw the covers off of himself then rushed into the bathroom. He hurriedly went through his morning necessities, then ran back into his room. He threw on a white Ghost Busters shirt and a pair of shorts, slipped into his shoes then grabbed his stuff and was out the door.

_6:50_

Record timing. John took his time walking to school, which was less than a mile away. _'Okay, so I have two, four, and six today...Ugh, that means I have to deal with that narcissistic asshole today...though I have to everyday-'. _John's thoughts were cut short when he tripped and fell face first into a pile of mud. He could hear laughter, which meant he was at school.

"Oops." That voice. It seemed familiar. "Fuck you." John said, pulling himself from the mud and taking his glasses off to clean them. He looked up to see the fuzzy figure of his friend, Vriska. Well after what she just did she wouldn't seem like much of a friend at all, but she does stuff like this to everyone, so John learned it was nothing personal.

"What time?" She smirked and helped John up. "How about seven o'clock?" He rolled his eyes and used his jacket sleeve to wipe the mud from his face.

"You got a little something on your face." She pointed out. "Thanks, I didn't notice." John grabbed his bag then began to walk away. "Where're you going?" Vriska asked.

"To was this shit off my face." He answered, ready to hear her say something like 'Silly John! You can't just wash the ugly off your face!' or something even worse, but to his surprise she just answered with a simple "Okay, see you later!". Something must have caught her attention to keep her from adding a rude remark.

Though John just shrugged it off and walked into the men's bathroom. He turned both faucets and began splashing his face with water. John glanced in the mirror to finally see that there was no more mud. He turned the water off and started to dry his face when someone else came into the bathroom, yelling back at someone.

"If you think lowering my citizenship grade will keep my from swearing, then you're dead fucking wrong! Now why don't you go back to teaching a kindergarten class like old times! Y'know, when your husband actually fucking loved you and didn't cheat on you because you couldn't bear children!" Karkat fully stepped inside the bathroom. "Oh, hey John."

"Was Ms. Jones getting on your case again?" He asked nonchalantly. It had taken him awhile but he got used to Karkat's rude and loud behavior. "Yeah, but I'm pretty sure I made her pathetic ass cry again. Which is stupid, she should be able to take the truth by now, its been years."

"Ease up on her Karkat. What happened to you? She was your favorite when we were toddlers." John leaned against the wall, remembering when they were only a few feet off the ground. Karkat was still mean, but he didn't cuss nearly as much as he did now.

"Yeah, well back then it was impossible to get an F on anything. Now she gives me an F on everything." He explained, going to the urinal and unzipping his pants. "Well that's because you use the F word in almost every form of writing, and its also a usual part of your diction."

"'Its also part of your diction'" Karkat mocked, "Oh shut the fuck up, Egbert. I don't need your stupid input or smart words." He finished taking a piss and zipped his pants up then flushed. "Karkat, we're Juniors, that sentence shouldn't have been difficult to understand in any way at all."

"I thought I told you to shut the fuck up." Karkat washed his hands, his tone grumpy and impatient. John sighed, giving up, then walked out of the bathroom with the other.

They continued chatting for awhile, when they approached a large crowd with a mix of boys and girls. They looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Walking past the crowd, John began coughing. "John? What's wrong? Are you alright?" He said, playing along with the other's act. John's sputtering had caused the crowd to quiet down and turn to him, giving him a good view of the most popular guy in school, Dave Strider.

"I-I...I'm choking on...Ego!" He faked another cough, then looked to the crowd with a shit eating smirk. Karkat burst into laughter and John soon joined him. They walked away from the glaring students, still laughing a bit. Though John felt a chill go down his spine, as if someone were watching him. He looked back, and he was right. The students weren't the one's staring him down, no. Their attention was given to the one who was staring at him. Dave Strider. Behind those shades it was hard to tell were he was really looking, but his head was faced in his direction, and it was really starting to bother him.

"John? Hello, Earth to idiot." Karkat raised a brow and jabbed John's side, causing him to squeak and look back at him. "Were you even listening to me?" John blinked a few times. "Hm? Oh, yeah yeah, cum thirsty idiots and stuff."

"That's not what I said you horny douche muffin!" Karkat growled and rolled his eyes, then looked back up at the other. "I said that weeks ago...How did remember that?" He asked. John responded with a simple shrug. "I dunno. It's hard to forget what you're saying when you usually yell it in my fucking ear." Karkat looked slightly embarrassed. "Oh..."

Before John could say anything else, the bell rang, signaling for class. Kids started rushing past each other, filing into their classes. "Shit, I gotta go, I'll see you at Nutrition!" Karkat tapped his shoulder then ran off. John just waved goodbye then walked to his class. He didn't even get a chance to walk in when a bunch of girls shoved passed him and knocked him on the ground. He looked up and saw they all crowded around one desk, some even sitting on his desk. He groaned and got up, wiping the dust off himself, then pushed a girl off his desk.

"Hey!" She yelped, falling to the floor, then looked up at John. "Oh, its you..." Jade scowled at her nerdy cousin. "Good morning to you too, my thirty hoe of a cousin!" John smiled at her and took his seat. She crossed her arms, and a small smirk went across her face.

"You sound almost exactly like Karkat! I think he's rubbing off on you, or maybe, _against _you." She grinned triumphantly, hearing his peers snicker, a few even saying "Oh, burn!". John glared at her. "Go fuck your dog." Before she could do anything to him, the teacher cut in.

" , I suggest you get in your seat before I mark you absent." He told her. She huffed, then leaned on John's desk. "This isn't over." She then walked to the back of the class and took her seat. John smiled and sat back in his seat. He closed his eyes while the teacher took attendance. Though, he started to get that uncomfortable feeling again, and opened on eye, glancing to his left. Again, Dave seemed to be looking at him.

_'God this guy is creepy...Why is everyone so infatuated with him?' _John opened his eyes and sat up, looking away from the other. But he could still feel his eyes burning into the back of his head. He kept shifting awkwardly, and even tried talking to some of his classmates, but this eerie feeling wouldn't go away.

"Alright, since this is Drama, we really shouldn't have finals, but we do!" The teacher announced, but John didn't groan like the rest of his class. And neither did Dave, but then again he hardly showed much emotion at all. "Oh shut up. Its simple really, most of you should get an A on this. You're all getting a script and at least one to two partners."

There were no more groans, but a few girls could be heard, murmuring 'Dave' and 'Stage kissing' and stupid things like that. John rolled his eyes. _'Thirsty bitches.' _He thought to himself. He then sighed and searched around the room. Looking back, he could see Jade staring out the window, and the rest of the students were either talking amongst themselves, or sleeping.

"And finally, John Egbert and Dave Strider, you two will be partners for this final."

The room fell silent. Dead silent. John could feel almost everyone mad dogging him; And then he looked to Dave, who was smirking ever so slightly. He never felt so uneasy in his life.


	2. Chapter 2

Once the bell rang, John ran out of the class like there was no tomorrow. He was going to the Theatre though, so he had to wait for the teacher who's class he just sprinted out of. He knew he was going to be harassed and attacked by Jade and every other girl and guy in the school, so in his mind he was rushing his teacher. Finally, he had seen him, Karkat and Vriska trailing behind him.

"C'mon , hurry up!" John rushed him when said teacher had barely gotten his keys out. The other two looked at him questionably. "I'll tell you guys when we get inside." Once they go inside and settled in, John told them exactly what happened.

"You are knee deep in shit, my friend." Karkat told him, taking a bite out of his muffin. "I know...I'm gonna talk to about it today after school." John said with a sigh.

"Talk to me about what?" asked, pulling some papers out of the printer. "He wants to complain to you about his partner." Vriska grinned at John, who glared back. "Well that's going to have to wait, Nutrition Break is over, and I'm busy at lunch." stacked the papers neatly, then gestured for the three students to leave.

John walked to his next class with Karkat, which was Avid. He took his seat next to him and they began chatting. That's pretty much all they did, since it was nearing the end of the first semester. They're teacher, , pulled up a seat and joined their conversation. John brought up what happened in second period, which was a bad idea, since Karkat and her started making jokes and just not helping at all. After a short while, the laughter and jokes died down.

"So John, I heard about your play coming up next semester. Are you planning to audition?" She asked, leaning on the desk. was a pretty small lady, so she kind of blended in with the students. "Yeah. Even though it's fictional, I think it's kind of an important one." John smiled and sat back.

"What about you, Mr. Vantas? Are you going to audition too?" She looked to the shorter, grumpier one. "Of course. I've been in every other play, what makes you think I wouldn't?" He rolled his eyes. "I'm going for one of the lead roles." Karkat's tone was slightly softer. John smiled more and turned to him.

"Hey, me too!" His voice was cheerful, which only made Karkat blush. "You idiot! You realize that the two main characters fall in love, right?" Karkat yelled, slightly flustered. John tilted his head to the side. "But Karkat, we've done plays where we had to kiss and stuff. Why's this any different?" Karkat readjusted himself, calming down. "We weren't lead roles in those plays. This one is mainly about their love life. And I dunno, I feel awkward." John put a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him reassuringly. "Don't worry Karkat, no one comes to our plays anyway." Karkat rolled his eyes and pushed his hand away.

* * *

Later that day, after the halls were cleared of its students, John peeked out from his sixth period class then dashed out. He slid down the railing of the staircase, then ran to his locker. He almost successfully got all his books out before Jade slammed his locker shut and shoved him against it. John just groaned and rolled his eyes.

"What is it Harley?" Though he asked, he already knew the answer. She growled and slammed him against the locker again. "Strider is your partner. I don't like that."

"Yeah well neither do I..." John muttered. Jade scowled at him. "You'd better go talk to about this." She leaned in, glaring. "Well I was but I can't really, since you're still man handling me." John retorted, then rolled his eyes. Jade dropped him, then left without a word. He sighed and got up, then dusted himself off. _'What happened to her...'_ John frowned, then made his way towards the Theatre.

* * *

" I don't think you understand," John followed him across the stage. "I can't work with him, I _won't _work with him." Mr. Ben looked up from the papers in his hand and raised a brow. "Who are you to say who you'll work with and you you won't work with?" It was a rhetorical question, but John was still looking for a response. "I'm not going to let you change partners, Mr. Egbert. I know that Dave kid is a douche, but changing partners is rude and unfair."

Mr. Ben was right, it was rude and unfair. But he knew if he didn't switch partners, he'd be dead meat. "Well, can't we do one of the stupider scripts? 'The Proposal' will get me killed." John negotiated. "Well, I suppose so. I guess you two could do 'Going to The Top, Part Two' instead." John grinned and hugged him. "Thanks ! You saved my skin!"

pulled from his grip. "Please, John, I have a wife." John rolled his eyes. "Hey Equius, could you try the lights for act two?" Mr. Ben called out, and suddenly, a wave of semitransparent pink splashed over him. He then wrote something on one of the papers and walked off the stage, John following.

John sat down in one of the seats in The House, flipping through his phone, while went up to the Tech Room. Soon, both Vriska and Karkat came in, arguing about something. They sat on either side of John, still arguing, while the other just mindlessly scrolled through his photos, even deleting a few. When their voices started to raise and their language started to get vulgar, yelled at them from the Tech Room to shut the hell up and practice lines for the audition. Instead, they whispered their hate for each other.

"Why don't we ask your boyfriend for an opinion then?" Vriska jabbed her thumb towards John, who was still glued to his phone. "First of all he's not my boyfriend, and second he'd just prove me right!" Karkat flushed slightly, then hit John in the back of the head. "Hey numb nuts, we need your opinion on something."

"Ow! Karkat was that really necessary?" John whined and rubbed the back of his head. "Shut the fuck up and listen. Okay so Vriska wants a lead role in this play-"

"That's stupid. The two main characters are men." John looked at Vriska, who then cut in. "I was just thinking we could change it to a girl, we don't need an LGBTQA awareness play, most people at this school are gay anyway." John opened his mouth to say something, when Karkat slapped his hand over it.

"Before John so rudely interrupted me, I was going to say that you're really fucking stupid if you think this shit hole of a school doesn't need this play. Yeah, a lot of people are gay here, but some students and even some teachers are homophobic assholes, and this play could change them." John then licked the palm of Karkat's hand, causing Karkat to retract it instantly and mutter a few curse words. John fully turned to Vriska.

"Look, I get that you really want a lead role, since you've never gotten one, but to have one in this play you'd have to get a sex change." Vriska went a little slack jawwed, and Karkat could be heard snickering a little. John stood and stretched, putting his phone in his back pocket. "Anyway, I have to go, I've got a shit load of homework from Mrs. Kathy." John grabbed his stuff and headed for the exit. "Bye ! I'll see you at auditions tomorrow!" He called back, then left.

John began walking home, his bag hanging off his shoulder slightly. He pulled out his earphones and put only one in, when he heard someone running towards him.

"Egderp, hey!" Dave caught up to him and walked alongside him. John put the other earphone in, now in a worse mood than before. "Don't call me that." John looked away from him. After a few second of silence, he spoke again. "Why are you here? Go away."

"Wow, harsh. Anyway, I was thinkin' we could go to your place and practice our lines or something. " Dave shrugged. "We're getting a new script." John informed him. "Oh. Which script?" Dave asked. He was faking his interest, and though his voice never took a new tone, John could tell.

"'Going to The Top, Part Two'." John answered, then sped up. Dave still followed, which made John turn around and scowl. "What're you doing? Go away already." Dave was slightly taken aback. "Don't gotta be so rude-" Before Dave could finish, John was already a few feet ahead of him, blasting his music. The blond sighed and walked the opposite direction. This is one is tough.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, John arrived early to his first period. He engaged in some small talk with his teacher, bringing up his play and actually convincing the adult to come to it. Once the bell rang, the kids started filing in. They started doing some review to help with the finals when a certain Strider strolled in, late as usual. He dropped his bag and sat down in his seat, which to John's dismay, was right next to him. He was his partner in ever class they had together, and John was starting to question it.

"Mr. Strider this is the fourth time you were tardy. Another tardy and you get detention." Their teacher, Mr. Donald, peered at him through his glasses, then went back to teaching. Dave just shrugged, John rolled his eyes at the careless gesture. Dave then leaned closer to him. "Hey, Egbert, I was wondering...Maybe today I could come over, and we could practice our lines. Y'know, for our Drama finals." He whispered, smirking slightly. John raised his brow.

"I'm busy after school. And since when did you care about finals, let alone Drama?" John didn't let the other respond, turning his back to him. John opened his binder to get out a paper, when Dave slammed his hand down on it. John jumped slightly, then glared at him. "What the hell-"

"'Prince Charmings'. What's that?" Dave looked closely at the script. John yanked his binder back and frowned. "It's the play I'm auditioning for, today after school." He answered, closing his binder. "Oh. Sounds gay." Dave turned his attention back to John's angry looking face. "That's because it is." He spat, then raised his hand. "Mr. Donald, can I move up front? I'm having trouble seeing." He lied.

"Sure John. There's an open seat right there." Mr. Donald nodded, and waited for John to move. He continued on with the lesson, though John and Dave both tuned him out. John just zoned out, not really thinking of anything, but Dave on the other hand had his mind set on John. He wasn't like all the other loose girls and guys, who would accept any offer from Dave in a heart beat. No, he despised Dave. John didn't care about him at all. And that's what interested Dave.

Dave blinked and looked up at his teacher, who had repeatedly snapped his fingers in his face. "Dave I'd appreciate it if you gave your attention to the board and not Mr. Egbert." Mr. Donald turned away from him, shushing the class when their giggles got out of control. Dave blushed slightly and glanced at John, who was ducking in embarrassment.

Class seemed to drag on after that moment, time going by painfully slow. John would glance at the clock every two seconds, praying that the bell would ring every time he looked. The bell did ring though, and most of the students rushed out, including Dave. Feeling awkward, John took his time packing up his stuff and leaving the classroom. He met up with Karkat in the hallway, and they headed towards the Theatre.

"He was staring at me again." John shoved his hands into his pocket and frowned. "It's creepy and annoying. And he's trying to go to my house!" He looked to Karkat, who seemed to not be paying attention.

"Why the hell does he want to go to your place?" Karkat looked up at him, his eyes dull and angry. John shrugged. "He said he wanted to go over our lines and stuff for the Drama finals." He explained. Karkat only snorted. "Yeah right, I bet he's just trying to get in your pants." John rolled his eyes and was about to open the door, when someone else walked out. They both stepped back, watching the other walk away. That person just so happened to be Dave Strider, the most popular guy in school. John and Karkat exchanged looks, then walked into the Theatre.

"Um, Mr. Ben, why did Dave just leave this area?" John asked, setting his stuff down. "He came to get a script, he's auditioning for the play." Mr. Ben didn't look up from his papers.

"What?!" John and Karkat said in sync, then looked at each other awkwardly.

"That was weird."

"Never do that again."

John walked over to his Drama teacher and leaned on the desk. "Mr. Ben, you can't do this!" Mr. Ben rose his head and stared at John blankly. "Who says I can't?" He said quietly, then went back to his work. John sighed. "You and I both know he sucks at acting, he's going to mess this whole thing up! And the whole school will take being gay as a joke." John plopped down in a seat and sighed again.

"Whole school? John, you said no one comes to our plays, why are you so worried?" Karkat sipped at his juice and raised a brow at the other. "You clearly don't understand, Karkat. Think about it, think real hard. Dave is the most popular guy in school, and if word gets out that he's in a play, bitches will be lining up for miles waiting to see it." John rested against the chair, then held his arms out. "I need a hug."

"Yeah, ya do." Karkat put his juice down and walked over to John, then wrapped his arms around him. John sighed happily, and they stayed like that for a while.

"You smell bad, Karkat."

"Shut up, I just had PE."

* * *

After school, John, Karkat, and Vriska all met up at the Theatre. Scripts in hand, they were ready to audition. John went first, then Karkat, then Vriska. Anyone else who came just claimed they only wanted a small part, like a background character, since there were only two supporting roles. Finally, Dave walked in, waving back at a few girls. Everyone looked back at him, all giving him the same deathly stare.

"What?" Dave stared back at them through his shades, then walked up to Mr. Ben when no one answered him. "You should've been here twenty minutes ago, Mr. Strider." Mr. Ben looked at him disapprovingly. "Sorry, got caught up in traffic." What a lame excuse.

"You weren't even fashionably late," John said under his breath. He was sitting on the edge on the stage, kicking his feet and reading over his lines. Dave cracked a small smile at his remark, then went towards the stage. "I'm auditioning for the role of Rafe, Mr. Ben." Dave jumped onto the stage and rolled his sleeves up.

"Ooh, looks like you've got a runner up, Karkat." Vriska grinned and nudged the shorter one. He just growled and elbowed her. "Oh shut up, you'll probably end up as an understudy with your shitty acting anyway." Vriska glared at him and moved to a different seat. "Where's your script, Dave?" Mr. Ben asked.

"Oh, heh, I don't need it. I got all my lines up here." He tapped his temple with his index finger then looked down at John to see if he was impressed. Which he wasn't, but that should've been expected. John just slid off the stage and sat in Vriska's previous seat, which was by Karkat. Dave frowned slightly, then cleared his throat. "But dad you don't understand! I love Asher, he's my everything! I can't live without him, please don't do this to me!" Dave said his lines so perfectly, it really surprised everyone. He dropped to his knees and acted as if he were crying, then stood up and jumped off the stage. "How was that?"

Mr. Ben, along with everyone else, looked appalled. "Heh, that was great!" He smiled and pat Dave on the back. Dave sauntered passed Karkat and John, smirking at their expressions. "Better close your mouth, John, don't want any flies goin' in there." John instantly shut his mouth, looking away out of slight embarrassment. Dave chuckled and took a seat behind the two. A few minutes passed, and Mr. Ben turned to face all the students in The House.

"Alright, that's a wrap. You'll all get your roles tomorrow, just come by during Nutrition or lunch." He announced, then spoke with one of the techies, Sollux, about microphones. John and Karkat started gathering their stuff then headed out the door, Vriska following along.

"So John, what'd you think of Mr. Popular's performance?" She looked to him with a smile. John adjusted the strap on his bag. "I'll admit, it was shockingly well done. But a little over done, and he got a few lines wrong."

"What if he gets the part?" Karkat asked. John made a disgusted face. "Then I'd give up my role. I'd never kiss that pretentious dick wad, even if it was staged." Karkat chuckled. "Nice choice of diction, fuck face." John rolled his eyes and playfully punched his arm. "Oh shut up."

Just then, Dave appeared behind them, and he looped his arm around John's shoulder. "So, Egbert, about those finals..." John moved away from him, Karkat and Vriska doing the same. "Which finals are you talking about, Dave? We have five classes together, and they all have final exams."

"The Drama final, duh." Dave stood in place, one hand on his bag strap and the other in his pocket. John turned to him and held his binder close. "What about them?" John questioned. "Well I was thinkin' we could head back to your place and-"

"Dave. I've done 'Going to the Top, Part Two,' at least two out of the four years I've been in Drama. I don't need to practice it. You just proved that you remember things easily. So you go home and practice your lines, and stop bothering me about it, okay?" John turned away from his and started walking with his two friends again. Dave stayed back, feeling stupid and a bit humiliated. Sighing, he just turned on his heel and walked away.


End file.
